The subject today: Regret
Regrets come in two flavors:
- "I wish I had told the guy I admired him."
- "I came within 0.2 points of getting my summa cum laude."
A few years ago, I realized I've prevented myself from a lot of good things because I didn't have enough guts to pursue them. All those opportunities forgone!
Faulty thinking: if I didn't go for it, at least nobody could say I've failed.
It's sad enough that appearing good in front of people had so much power, but sadder still that it wasn't even the whole story. The real reason was that I didn't want to find out for myself if I really had what it took, and didn't know if I could handle it if I had to admit I didn't have what it took. So I simply took myself out of running. All because I didn't want to face a possible truth about myself.
I decided then that I wanted to live a life of no regrets. It hasn't been easy, nor has it been totally successful, but I can say I'm pursuing more scary things now than before.
In my recent funk as a writer, I wondered if it was all worth it. I toyed with the idea that I should just stop pursuing the dream. I am not going to get published anyway, why spend all that energy and time on a dead end? This blog offers me an outlet for my writing, and maybe that should be enough.
Old habits, especially thought habits, really do die hard.
New mantra: It is always better to try and fail than not to try at all.
If I were to have any regrets, let them be of the second variety. I will not allow myself to fall back into forgoing dreams out of fear.