Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Give me embarrassment any time!

Recently someone told me I was brave.

That took me completely by surprise. I've long resigned to the fact that I'm chicken about many things. When I read of courageous acts in books, I'm always filled with admiration and longing. I tell myself I need to overcome at least some of my fears, and have, in fact, taken a few baby-steps toward this goal.

But I know I am far from being brave. Which is why that statement gave me pause. After mulling over it, I realized that the reason I did that supposedly-brave thing is that I prefer embarrassment over regret.

I've sabotaged my own successes many times out of fear. Those events have gnawed at me over the years, giving me pangs of regret. I know how to deal with them more effectively now, but the intensity of these pangs haven't subsided.

In contrast to that, there have been times when I've subdued my fear enough to do something brave. Some of those times have resulted in embarrassing moments, a couple of them spectacularly so, like when I had a full-on brain freeze on my very first piano competition and couldn't continue beyond the first page of my Chopin Ballade and so I just stood up to bow--bow!!!--as the audience clapped politely to signal their relief I was about to leave the stage.

But the effects of the embarrassment, unlike those of regret, die off. Apparently, Time does heal, the pain of embarrassment at least.

This is a timely reminder, as I am sending off another round of submissions. I've received a few encouraging responses, but the rejections are coming in as well. But I know now that I can live better with having tried without succeeding, than not trying at all.

I wish you courage.


Anonymous said...

I so relate to this post. Good luck!

Yat-Yee said...

Thanks! Good to meet someone who understands!

Saints and Spinners said...

I learned a long time ago that if I were going to work with children, I had better learn to acquire a high threshhold of embarrassment or pretend to be unfazed about things. I try to remember that people who are secure in their own bodies do not have the need to humiliate others. It doesn't always work, but it helps me be brave and also tobe compassionate toward others.

Thanks for this post.

Yat-Yee said...

Acceptance toward oneself and compassionate toward others do go hand in hand.

Thanks for your comment. And I love the contest you're running.